I could have never been prepared for my first day of school. 1st graders are young, vibrant, happy, sad, wiggly, loud, quiet, excited, scared and everything in between.
I feel that one teacher at my school said it best, the first weeks of teaching does not have a learning curve, it is a straight, vertical line. I learn every single second of every single day. Usually it is by mistakes, but that is how I learn best. I have been constantly reflecting and changing my style and my approach so I can create a positive atmosphere in my classroom where my students trust each other and myself so that we can jump into learning and they can get that much closer to achieving their dreams.
This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I love my students already, I love their little quirks. I love how one student can literally be wiggling and giggling with excitement and the next moment bawling on the floor. (He is quite in tune with his emotions). I love how one 6 year old talks to me like she is 34. I even love my poor angry little boy who is not afraid to tell anyone how it is. Yet, at the same time, I wake up in the morning tired, and I cannot help but think that I could have chosen another route... ANY other route in life, but I chose this. I chose to not only be a teacher, but to teach urban children. I chose to put myself on a career path that has an intense urgency each and every day. The achievement gap in our country is daunting, and every single minute, of every single day is vital to abolishing it. This is what I tell myself when it takes an hour to have my students get in line and go into the hallway to use the bathroom. This is what I told myself the 9 times they tried to get out of their seats correctly and get in line so they could leave my room to use the bathroom. This is what I tell myself each and every time I say, "To be responsible means to raise your hand and receive permission before you speak." or "To be safe means to remain your seat until you have permission to get up." ( all 102 times a day-- at least it has to be pretty darn close to that amount!)
This is my life. This will be my life for the next 200 days of school. This is what I chose to get myself into. So when I get up in the morning and ask myself "why" I have to simply reply "for the kids." For every time I want to cry because I don't know how I will make it through the year, I get about 16 hugs. The hugs make it worth it in themselves.
Right now I have one day left in my first week of teaching my very own class. It was not an easy week in anyway, but I can honestly say I have already seen growth in my students, and I know we will get there.
Thank you so much for your support and prayers. They are desperately needed for those low moments. (but of course I still cherish them in the good moments too!)
Pray for peace in my students, pray that God might use me to impact their lives in a positive way. Pray that my students excel in ways I could have never even hoped for. Pray that I have the energy and excitement to keep up with them!
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